i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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