dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
