Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
