Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
