if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
