just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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