gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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