Apparently you make a good broom.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
