I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
