he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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