I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
