Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
