I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
