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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
