when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
