Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
