She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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