I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
