it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
