Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
