It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
