we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
