thus making me awesome and them whores
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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