you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
