it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
