You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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