Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
