so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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