Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
