I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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