Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
