I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
