M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
