Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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