So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
