I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
