Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
