i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
