I think I died a long time ago.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
