This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
