he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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