I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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