Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
