we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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