I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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