Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
