he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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