btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
