i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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