Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
