I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
