I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
