so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
